


too shy to become your sun

by j00nie



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Unrequited Love, background namjoon/seokjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6041467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j00nie/pseuds/j00nie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes, mark thinks, it's just easier to stay quiet.</p><p>(or, the one where jackson is oblivious and everyone is magic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first year - mark

the boy across from him is crying. not in the way some first years cry on the train- great, ugly sobs while they bury their red faces in the chests of whatever older student felt bad enough for them- but in an almost secret way. his head is turned towards the window, chin tucked into the red of his sweater. his dark hair is falling in his eyes and flutters a bit with every puff of breath that forced it’s way out just a bit too harshly.

 

mark watches him out of the corner of his eyes for nearly an hour, waiting for the other boy to stop, before he gives in. they’re the only two in the small cabin and no prefects have come so far back in the train yet, so it seems like it’s up to mark to get the other boy to calm down. he pulls one of the chocolate frogs out of his small bag and moves to sit beside the other boy.

 

“hey,” he says softly, letting his hand brush the other’s shoulder. when the other ignores him, he shakes his shoulder a bit, trying to get him to look up. still nothing

 

“fine, if you wanna cry alone i’ll just leave.” he shrugs, standing back up. the other boy whips around and glares at him with eyes that are suspiciously wet.

 

“i am  _ not  _ crying,” the other snaps. mark tries not to smile as he studies the boys face. he’s got these big, dark eyes that nearly hidden by his mop of hair and it looks like his two front teeth might be too big for his mouth and such a proud set to his chin that mark takes a small step back.

 

“here,” he says, holding out the frog. “my dad always says chocolate helps when you’re sad.” the boy takes it with a tight smile and fiddles with the box. mark watches him, waits for the boy to say something,  _ anything _ , because he really is just not good enough with words to keep this up.

 

mark’s eyes fall to his feet and he makes to go back to his side of the compartment when he hears a shrill yelp and a crash. he whips his head up to find the boy on the ground, hand clutching his chest as he stares at the frog that’s slowly crawling up the window. there’s a moment of tense silence before it’s shattered by mark’s laughter. he’s wheezing, giggles too high-pitched and tears are leaking out of his eyes but he doesn’t  _ care _ . he can’t, not when the boy is still lying there looking so  _ betrayed _ at the frog and at mark for laughing and that just makes him laugh even harder and it’s  _ ages _ before mark can calm down enough to help the boy off the floor and back into his seat.

 

the boy grumbles but is smiling when he looks back at mark.

 

“y’know, you’d think i’d be used to it by now, but the  _ frogs _ …” he shudders and bumps their shoulders together. “i’m jackson, by the way.”

 

the smile that splits jackson’s face is so bright and happy that mark can’t help but return it.

 

“mark.”

 

___

 

by the time the train pulls into hogsmeade, jackson and mark have made their way through mark’s stash of travel candy his father had packed him and are quickly changing into their school robes.

 

they had spent the past hours talking about, well, nothing really. how strange being away from home was, if either of them would be trying out for quidditch next year (jackson, definitely; mark, under no circumstances.), how assigning papers in  _ inches _ was completely unfair to people with small handwriting like themselves.

 

everything seems to be going fine until mark sees jackson glancing warily at his green tie. he was hoping it wouldn’t come to this.

 

he tugs his tie into place, grits his teeth and tries to remember what his father told him after his sorting as he prepares to lose his first real friend at this stupid school. (“ _ being in slytherin does not make you bad or evil or anything some idiot may call you. and if someone can’t look past the color of your robes, they don’t deserve to know you, okay?” _ )

 

“it’s rude to stare, you know.” he says softly, looking up just in time to see jackson’s cheeks flush before he ducks his head. 

 

he’s about to say something rude about  _ assumptions  _ and where certain boys could stick them when jackson looks up at him with steel in his eyes like he’s facing death itself.

 

“I’m muggleborn,” he says like a challenge. and, honestly, from the set of his shoulders it very well might be. mark is confused for all of two seconds, but then jackson looks back down at his tie and mark  _ gets it _ . 

 

he wants to be mad. he wants to yell at jackson that it’s not  _ like that _ , not anymore. and really, enough of them don’t care about blood purity, enough of them are half blood, are not-quite-purebloods, there’s even yoongi-hyung who’s actually muggleborn and doesn’t let anyone forget it. but… but. there are enough of them, enough who are vocal and hateful, that make slytherin house seem like it never changed, that the war did nothing to change it. and mark knows that they must be why jackson is looking at him like he’s ready to fight.

 

mark gapes at him dumbly for a while, unable to speak, unable to reassure jackson that he doesn’t care. so of course when he finally manages to get something out, it’s  _ nothing _ like what he planned on saying.

 

“my mom’s a muggle.” 

 

jackson rears back like he’s been hit. he’s staring at mark like he’s seeing him for the first time and isn’t quite sure what he sees. 

 

“oh.”

 

“yeah, oh.” they both let out a large sigh. mark is tugging at the sleeve of his robe when jackson tugs at his hand lightly.

 

he looks up to find jackson sticking his right hand out with an earnest twist to his mouth. mark cautiously places his hand in jackson’s and only starts a bit when jackson shakes it firmly.

 

“hi, i’m jackson wang. both of my parents are muggles and i’m a first year in gryffindor house. my mom says that i have a tendency to do things without thinking and that one day that’s gonna get me in trouble.” jackson gives a nod when he’s finished and looks at mark expectantly, still shaking his hand.

 

“i’m mark. my dad is a wizard and my mom’s a muggle. i’m a first year in slytherin and my dad says that sometimes i judge people too quickly.” he says the last part like an apology and suddenly jackson throws his arms around mark and lets out a delighted yell. he pulls back before mark has a chance to hug him back and is chattering away, talking too quickly for mark to really keep up. but, mark is slowly realizing, he doesn’t seem to mind.

  
  
  


mark doesn’t realize that he never found out why jackson was crying until it’s much later that night and he’s slowly drifting off to the soothing sounds of the dungeon after the welcome back feast. he snuggles deeper into the comforter his mother had sent to him before winter holidays and promises that he’ll find out tomorrow.

 

___

  
  


mark doesn’t find out why jackson was crying that day on the train until they are on their way home after the end of term. by now they are nearly inseparable, spending all of their free time together either studying for their shared classes (jackson had been  _ incensed  _ when he found out that they shared their herbology and astronomy classes. in mark’s own defense, he spent most of herbology trying desperately to avoid doing  _ anything _ which included speaking up or touching anything grown in the greenhouses. and jackson spent most of astronomy sleeping, so how were they supposed to ever notice each other before now?) or pranking their mutual friend hoseok. (they had the perfect advantage of he and mark sharing a dorm room and  _ never _ expecting anything devious from his quiet housemate.)

 

jackson has introduced him to his friend jaebum, and has forced him to get closer with hoseok (“ _ you’re housemates! how did you not even know his real first name?!”  “he refused to tell me, i didn’t really care to go beyond that, honestly.” _ ) and mark’s life has been brighter for it. jackson is like a never-ending ray of sunshine and, truthfully, it had completely left mark’s mind that he could even be sad.

 

it’s not until they’ve secured their little cabin near the back of the train, have pulled out the food that jackson had snuck out of the going away feast and are eagerly stuffing their faces that mark realizes just how quiet jackson has been. he’s nibbling on a treacle tart and staring blankly out the window, nothing like how mark knew jackson to be. so mark let him sit, hoping that maybe jackson was just tired, or maybe too hungry to want to stop eating long enough to talk. but, as time drags on and  _ still  _ jackson says nothing, just continues to watch the countryside whip past them, mark gets a bit worried. he reaches his leg out to kick at jackson’s foot, hoping he’d startle him out of wherever his mind had wandered. but jackson only looks up at him and gives him that same tight smile mark remembers seeing when they first met.

_ not good _ , he thinks.  _ really not good _ . so, mark settles next to jackson and lays his head on his shoulder. if there’s anything mark has learned in the last six months, it’s that jackson is  _ weak _ when it comes to physical affection. there is no bad mood that jackson cannot be forced out of with a well-timed hug. and mark is not above exploiting this.

 

it takes a few minutes but, slowly, jackson relaxes back into the seat and let’s his head fall on top of mark’s. 

 

“i just… i just really missed my parents, y’know,” he says, quiet and scared sounding.

 

mark nods and hums because of course he does. he misses his dad making breakfast and his mom combing his hair out of his face. sometimes he even thinks he misses his little brother. but mark doesn’t say any of this. he thinks that this is different, thinks the way jackson misses his parent’s is  _ different _ somehow. maybe it’s because of the quiver in jackson’s voice, or the way he cried so softly that day on the train, mark isn’t sure. so he stays quiet.

 

“i don’t think i ever told you but… my mom is really sick. really sick. and i just… i left. mark, i left and i wasn’t there. what if she’s gotten worse. what if-” jackson cuts himself off with a choked sound and it’s mark’s turn to throw his arms around the other boy, shushing jackson as he starts to cry in earnest into mark’s chest. they stay like that for the rest of the train ride, falling asleep some time in the early afternoon.

 

when they arrive at the station, mark watches jackson run towards two people he assumes are his parents, yelling and whooping in joy. he grins to himself and feels something swell in his chest as he turns to find his own family in the crowd.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fourth year - jackson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un-beta'd. all mistakes are my own.

jackson has found, in his short fourteen years of life, that it is incredibly easy to be happy with everyone. it is simple to laugh and joke, to be too loud and to talk too much. it is, however, not as easy to be serious with people. there is something that clenches up in his chest when his mood falls to much, when he just wants to go curl up alone somewhere. there is some nagging voice in the back of his head that tells him that if he can’t keep the mood up, can’t cheer up his friends then what else is he good for?

when he was younger, he never knew how to deal with it. his first year had been the hardest. he’d constantly be worried about his mother, angry at himself for not _being there_ , and anxious that people would finally figure out that he really _wasn’t_ that funny, wasn’t that good at anything really, and then were would he be? alone. and the thought of being alone scared him more than anything.

 

but he’s not alone. he’s got his friends- his family- who all know how he is. he’s got jaebum for when he gets so angry that he can’t stop shaking. for every time someone throws  _ mudblood _ in his face, for when that  _ dickhead _ from hufflepuff mocks his accent or his last name, for when he can’t get a fucking thing right and he just wants to  _ scream _ because why can’t he  _ do this. _

 

and then there’s namjoon- and to a lesser extent, namjoon’s weird little brother taehyung- who he can go to when jaebum or mark say something that just doesn’t make sense to jackson, and he’s too proud to ask them to explain it. because, even if namjoon is only a half-blood, he’s so damn smart and he just  _ gets _ jackson. knows exactly how to explain ass backwards wizarding world culture to someone who wasn’t raised in it.

 

there’s everyone else too. jinyoung when he’s feeling bitchy and he needs someone to snap at who won’t take it too personally. bambam and yugyeom when he’s feeling playful and youngjae when he’s feeling homesick and he just wants to hear someone sing familiar muggle music.

 

he’s got mark. 

 

mark, who he can be sad around. mark, who holds him when he cries and never asks too many questions. mark, who listens when all he needs is an ear. who he can talk to about how scared he is of disappointing his parents. god, sometimes he doesn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have mark.

 

jackson has found, in his short three years of knowing mark, that mark is his safe place.

 

sometimes jaebum and namjoon poke fun at him about it. make little jokes when mark is around that make jackson flush, or tease him about the fact that jackson just can’t seem to say  _ no _ where mark is involved. but they have no idea what the hell they’re talking about. mark is his best friend. jackson loves him, would lose himself if he didn’t have mark, but that doesn’t mean jackson  _ wants _ him.

 

it just means that what they have is special.

 

___

  
  


“your boy is out there.” 

 

jackson starts, throws an elbow back into jaebum’s stomach but doesn’t pull his eyes away from the stands. he smiles when he sees mark sitting down, red scarf wrapped tightly around his throat, and turns back to jaebum.

 

“he’s not  _ my boy _ , he’s just coming to support a friend.” jackson laughs, pushing at jaebum’s shoulder.

 

“uh-huh.” jaebum grabs jackson around the neck, pulls him down and messes with his hair. sometimes jackson really hates being shorter than all his friends. 

 

“hyuuuuung,” jackson whines, trying desperately to get out of his hold.

 

“i’ll let you go when you admit it, jackson,” jaebum chuckles and tickles under jackson’s chin.

 

“admit what?” and now jackson really doesn’t know what was going on. there’s no way he was saying- no.

 

“that you  _ like  _ him.” jackson pushes out of jaebum’s hold and staggers back.

 

“like who?  _ mark _ ?” jackson laughs, pushing jaebum into the wall. “mark is my friend. we’ve known each other since we were  _ eleven _ , liking him would be...weird. it’d be like me liking you, or you liking jinyoung.” they both laugh, knocking into each other as they make their way out to the pitch. 

 

jackson swings his bat around as he searches the crowd one more time. he finds mark quickly this time, sandwiched in between jinyoung and youngjae. their eyes meet and mark grins at him, yelling something that gets lost in the din of excited cheers. jackson swings his leg over his broom, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. he sees mark smack jinyoung’s chest and laugh and there’s a swooping in his stomach that he figures is no more than his excitement for the match ahead. 

 

a whistle rips through the air and he tears his eyes away from mark, kicking off the ground and hovering just high enough that he’ll- hopefully- have first shot at the bludgers. a second whistle sounds and the snitch is released, a third and the bludgers are gone, and then finally the quaffle is thrown and the game begins.

 

jackson sends a bludger towards the first ravenclaw chaser he sees, aiming so it sails past her face and forces her to pull out of formation to avoid being hit. he laughs at the glare she shoots at him and flies off, keeping his eye on the quaffle (in gryffindor hands) and the seekers (circling high- they haven’t seen anything yet). he spends the rest of the game hitting bludgers at as many ravenclaws as possible, destroying formations where he can and accidentally knocking lisa turpin off her broom. 

 

they lose, by a good 90 points, and trudge out of the changing rooms afterwards utterly defeated. jackson is seriously considering just going to bed- and trying to avoid jaebum, who’s in a black mood, at all costs- when he rounds the bleachers and finds his friends there waiting for him. bambam and yugyeom are bouncing around waving ravenclaw flags and laughing while mark and jinyoung look on. jackson can see jaebum pulling out his wand and levelling it at bambam’s legs, whispering  _ locomotor wibbly _ angrily, and hears his all too pleased laugh when the second year falls to the ground, legs twitching and shrieking like a madman.

 

jackson laughs so hard his stomach starts to hurt. mark is giggling so much his face is turning an alarming shade of red and jackson can see jaebum and jinyoung heading for the castle, shoulders brushing. the only person who seems even a bit worried for bambam is yugyeom, and even the first year seems to be holding back his laughter as he tries to help his best friend up. after a few minutes, jackson starts to feel a bit bad for the boy and ends the jinx. he and mark leave him there, staring at the sky, chest heaving while yugyeom tries to pull him up, but not before jackson sets fire to one of the pennants that had been left in the grass.

 

he and mark are quiet as they make their way towards the castle. it’s comfortable, though jackson’s mood has started to fall as he thinks about the match. mark nudges his side and smiles at him like he knows exactly what jackson is thinking. “you know this was only the first match of the year. you guys’ll bounce back,” mark grins. “just in time for slytherin house to completely  _ destroy  _ you!” mark takes off down the corridor, heading for the stairs that will bring him to the dungeons.

 

it takes jackson a second to pick his jaw off the ground- the  _ nerve _ of that guy- before he’s chasing after mark, yelling abuse loud enough that several of the portraits are spitting at him to just  _ shut up _ .

 

mark’s got enough of a head start that he’s already nearing the patch of wall that opens to his common room. jackson speeds up, determined to not let mark get away with teasing him so mercilessly. (and after having to witness the travesty that was taehyung, namjoon’s tiny little second-year brother, steal the snitch  _ right _ out from under the gryffindor seeker’s nose at that.) jackson manages to tackle mark right as he whispering the password to the bricks, resulting in mark’s horrified shriek of “ _ regulus! _ ” as they both fall to the ground. jackson is mostly on top of mark, giggling into the other boy’s chest, when he hears the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat from behind them.

 

“yoongi-hyung!” mark says from where he’s still got his face hidden in jackson’s hair. “i thought you said that you’d be studying in the library all night.”

the older boy looks down at the and glances back at the blank wall. “i was. and now i’m back. and i’d like to go to bed but there are two idiots blocking the entrance.” he slowly looks back at mark and jackson expectantly and the two quickly break apart, brushing themselves off as they get up. mark looks like he’s about to invite jackson in so he cuts him off as quickly as he can. the last time he spent time in the slytherin dungeons while min yoongi was there he left with a swarm of bat-bogeys chasing him and a particularly painful stinging hex across his ass.

 

“we’re still practicing summoning charms tomorrow, right?” he asks, trying desperately to ignore the older slytherin leaning against the wall behind them.

 

mark nods and starts to turn around and something in jackson’s gut is telling him that he shouldn’t just let this night end like this, not after mark came to his match and supported him (and even wore gryffindor colors!) so he grabs mark’s hand and pulls him close and plants a loud kiss on his cheek. “thanks for coming today, mark. i’ll talk to you tomorrow!” he grins and saunters down the corridor, not even thinking about how appropriate it was to kiss his friend. 

  
he never catches mark cupping his cheek, blushing wildly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i want to thank you all so much for your kudos and kind words. hp!aus are my life blood and to know you're enjoying my take on it makes me feel amazing.
> 
> so this fic is 100% self-indulgent nonsense and of course i needed to have an obligatory quidditch scene. if y'all were wondering, jackson is a beater and jaebum is keeper for gryffindor team. yugyeom will eventually be a beater for hufflepuff. (tho i doubt that'll ever come up in the fic, i just have a bad tendency of getting too involved in backstory tbh)
> 
> as always, i'm on [tumblr](http://unfairtanktops.tumblr.com/) if you have any questions about the fic or just wanna yell at me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sixth year, part 1 - mark

 

mark has been in love with jackson since fourth year. more specifically, mark has been in love with jackson since that time in fourth year when jackson had come up behind mark in front of the three broomsticks, wrapped his arms around mark’s waist and nuzzled his nose into mark’s neck while asking if the’d rather just go back to the castle and nap in gryffindor common room..

 

and it’s been fine. he knows where he sits with jackson, comfortable as best friend and confidante, and he’s content with that. jackson has never made any hint that he wanted something beyond friendship with mark. has never let his gaze linger too long, or said something a little too flirty for just friends. so, mark being the self-preserving person he is, has never said anything about his traitorous feelings and has stayed sane for it.

 

he’s been able to be secure in knowing that jackson would never cross that line.

 

the thing with jackson is, even after having known him for a whopping five years, mark still can’t predict everything he’s gonna do. sure, he knows the big things. he knows that jackson will push himself too hard every year; will spread himself too many ways- between his course load, quidditch, and his  _ very _ active social life- to the point of exhaustion some months. he knows jackson will laugh it off when he screws up in class or can’t manage to properly knock someone off their broom during a match, but will think about it non-stop afterwards. mark knows jackson would never look at him twice. he knows the big things.

  
  


“jackson, what are you asking me?”

 

they’re sitting in the gryffindor common room on the lumpy loveseat closest to the fireplace and mark has never thought about pushing jackson headfirst into it than he has in this moment.

 

“listen, i know it sounds weird, but i need a date for the ball and you’re the only one i can think of to ask.” jackson has one of mark’s hands held tightly in both of his, had given mark flowers and was treating this like mark was actually his first choice. and, fuck, it hurt. it hurt so goddamn bad because mark knew he wasn’t, knew that if he could take anyone he’d take that hufflepuff isobel macdougal who he’d been lusting after since last april.

 

“then take namjoon.” jackson shakes his head and smiles like this means nothing.

 

“joonie asked seokjin-hyung, didn’t you hear? and besides, it has to be  _ you. _ ” jackson laughs and mark wants to be sick because-

 

“why? why does it have to be me?” he searches jackson’s face, praying that the answer doesn’t hurt even more.

 

“ _ because _ , you’re so pretty and i figured that if anyone would make isobel jealous it would be  _ you. _ ” jackson smiles at him, like this is all just fun. because, of course, to him it is.

 

mark rips his hand from jackson’s, pushes off the couch and ignores jackson’s hurt whine. god, he’s so  _ mad _ . pissed off in a way he hasn’t been in years and his heart is in his stomach and his throat is too tight and how  _ dare _ jackson ask this of him. how  _ dare _ he cross that line. mark has been waiting for  _ years _ for this kind of attention from jackson, and now that he’s getting it, it’s to make some  _ girl _ jealous.

 

he grabs his things, pushing past jackson when he tries to stop him, and heads for the portrait hole.

 

“i need to finish my transfiguration essay, i’ll talk to you later.” he says, too thick and sad sounding for his liking. he’s almost running out of the common room, ignoring jackson asking him what’s wrong. he needs to get out,  _ go,  _ before he says something rash, or worse, starts crying. he pushes through the portrait, knocking down whoever was trying to come in and takes off down the corridor.

 

by the time he makes it to the dungeons, he’s holding back tears in earnest. he lets out a sigh of relief when it seems like no one is in the dungeons and heads straight for his bed, planning to bury himself in his covers until he stops  _ hurting _ .

 

his bed dips down and mark turns further into his pillow.  _ please don’t let it be hoseok, please  _ please _ don’t let it be hoseok.  _ he can feel whoever sat down next to him lean back against his headboard and stretch their legs out. there’s the sound of a book being opened, old pages crinkling faintly as they try to find their page. it’s quiet for several minutes, only the sound of his hiccuping breaths and the occasional turning of a page filling the air. by now he’s sure it’s not hoseok next to him (he had a bad habit of wanting to aggressively spoon any sadness away and while mark didn’t necessarily dislike cuddling the younger boy, it’s not what he needs right now) and there’s really only one other person who’d try to comfort him like this.

 

he rolls over and lays his head on jinyoung’s thigh, trying to stop his sniffling. jinyoung doesn’t stop reading his book for a while longer though he does drop his hand down to card his fingers through mark’s hair. eventually, jinyoung closes his book and looks down at mark, heaving a deep sigh. mark whines softly, covering himself with the covers before jinyoung can force him to look at him.

 

“mark. c’mon, you can’t hide forever,” he whispers, tugging lightly at the blanket. mark just shakes his head, unwilling to face the lecture he knows is coming. jinyoung gets off the bed to do what, mark isn’t sure, but he can hear him shuffling around, murmuring to himself and then there’s the soothing crackle of fire and the whisper of cloth dropping to the floor before jinyoung is back on the bed with him, pulling the covers over his head so they’re both cocooned. mark cracks open an eye to see his friend’s face not three inches in front of his own, brow furrowed and a frown pulling at his lips.

 

“i don’t see why you had to get undressed,” he mumbles.

 

“you know i think it’s unnatural to be in bed in anything more than underwear and a shirt.” mark shrugs and tucks himself under the younger boy’s chin- anything to hide his face. he’s not crying, not anymore, but he knows that his cheeks are splotchy and his nose is bright red and that he looks  _ miserable _ and he can’t handle seeing the pity on his friend’s face. jinyoung makes a distressed sound and wraps his arm around mark.

 

“i thought we said that we wouldn’t cry over him, hm? what happened to that?”

 

“he, um, he asked me to go to the yule ball with him so that isobel macdougal will get jealous and finally agree to suck his dick.” jinyoung makes a disgusted sound and mark can feel his entire body go stiff.

 

“he said that?” jinyoung asks, voice venomous.

 

“well, not the last part but that’s what he’s aiming for, isn’t it?” he lets out a bitter laugh and rolls over, throwing the covers off. “and it’s not like i can even be mad at him for asking, can i? we aren’t dating, we aren’t… fuck.” he rubs hard at his eyes, trying to will away fresh tears. mark wants to throw something, wants to rage and scream and  _ break  _ something the way his heart is breaking. 

 

“it’s not  _ fair. _ ”

 

suddenly, all the fight leaves him and he’s just… tired. because, as unfair as this situation is, as fucked up as it is that he’s in love with his best friend, it’s not fair to anyone to blame jackson for this. he doesn’t know about the lines he’s crossed, doesn’t know that he’s got mark’s stupid,  _ stupid  _ heart in the palm of his hand, doesn’t know any of it because mark decided to stay quiet.

 

“jinyoungie, i’m so  _ stupid _ .”

 

“no, hey, no. we’ll figure this out, okay?” jinyoung pulls mark back into him, shushes him when he tries to protest. “we’ll do whatever we have to. if that means keeping jackson away from you until you feel better, we’ll do it. whatever you need.”

 

___

  
  


the thing about slytherin house is, no matter how much they may dislike each other some days, there is an amazing amount of solidarity. mark spends the next two weeks avoiding jackson, a task made much easier by his housemates. someone has managed to convince the house elves to send his meals to the dorm, and several others have gone as far as literally blocking jackson whenever he tries to corner mark in the corridor.

 

he knows he’s not being fair, ignoring jackson, and he knows the other boy is hurting, can see it in his eyes every time mark ignores his calls. but mark just… can’t, not yet. so he pretends not to hear him, looks the other way when he beckons for mark to sit with him during charms, and bites his tongue when jinyoung tells him that he is no longer welcome in the slytherin dungeons.

 

after three weeks of not speaking with his best friend, the guilt really starts to set in. by now, jackson has given up trying to get his attention and has taken to avoiding mark as much as mark has been avoiding him. whenever mark  _ does _ manage to get a glimpse of jackson, he notices there are bags under his eyes and a slump in his walk that mark has never seen before. it makes him sick to his stomach.

 

the worst part about this, though, is that it’s not just him and jackson suffering. bambam hasn’t spoken to him in a week, yugyeom and youngjae  _ both _ had a small breakdown about what they were sure was the end of all of their friendships and jaebum, well, jaebum had some very  _ strong _ words for mark about the way he was treating jackson. tensions had risen to the point that, just yesterday, jaebum and jinyoung had gotten into a very nasty, very public row on the front grounds that very nearly turned into a duel before the two had been separated.  

 

mark knows that they can’t go on like this. he tells jinyoung as much as after his fight with jaebum and the other boy agrees, lips pressed tight and hands shaking. 

 

so he tries to fix it. he lingers after quidditch practice, attempts to corner jackson in the library, even goes so far as to try to break into gryffindor tower, but he finds himself just as shut out as jackson has been for the last month. he’s nearly given up by the time christmas rolls around. it doesn’t hit him that it’s the holiday until he wakes up one morning to find the dungeons nearly cleared out. he’s one of the few students in the school to stay over the holiday season and he’s cursing his decision to not go home this year. that is, until he remembers.

  
jackson always stays for the holidays

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo conflict! house solidarity! platonic cuddling!!! also, this got way angstier than i planned. sorry about that. anyways, i'd love to hear what y'all think about this chapter because, let me tell ya, it was a bitch and a half to write.
> 
> i'm thinking there will just be one more chapter of this part which i'll try to get up by wednesday. 
> 
> you can always find me being trash over [here](https://unfairtanktops.tumblr.com).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sixth year, part 2 - jackson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha, okay so, my computer took a shit about two days after i posted the last chapter and i only recently managed to get a new one and finish this chapter. i'm so sorry it took so long, but this chapter is quite a bit longer than i had first planned so i hope that can make up for the long wait at least a little bit.

jackson doesn’t know why he’s here. he’s cold, he’s miserable, and he really should have just gone home for break. but here he is, sitting in the room of requirement on christmas morning like he has every christmas morning for the past four years. it looks the same as it does every year; small, cozy room filled with cushions and decorations, fire roaring in the fireplace and lopsided tree in the corner. he’s even got mark’s present under the tree- a gorgeous necklace he had found in a muggle shop over the summer that he had spent almost two months trying work a very subtle cheering and warming charm into the pendant that would activate if mark’s mood dipped. he knew mark was feeling stressed about exams this year and he hoped maybe it would help and,  _ merlin _ he should have just thrown it away. it isn’t as if mark would even want it anymore, not after… well, whatever he did to warrant mark completely cutting him off.

 

and that’s the worst part, isn’t it? he still has no idea what he’s done. all jackson knows is that, one minute he’s asking mark for a favor, one he couldn’t trust to anyone else, and the next mark is looking at him like he’s got an acromantula for a head and running out the portrait hole. he’s spent  _ weeks _ trying to figure out why mark would take such offense to pretending to be his date for the ball and has come up with nothing. he just doesn’t  _ understand _ , mark did it last year for jinyoung when that creepy ravenclaw wouldn’t leave him alone, so why couldn’t he do it for his best friend? and why not just say so, why did he have to ignore jackson?

 

jackson stands up, kicks a cushion across the room and yells, wiping furiously at his face. he doesn’t want to keep crying over this but he’s just so  _ impossibly  _ hurt. he sinks into a large cushion by the fire, curling up in the blanket that appears there. he wishes he were home, he misses his mom, he misses his dad and his room and his parent’s big dumb dog, he misses how his dad would make him hot chocolate when it was cold, he misses feeling wanted. 

 

there’s the sound of a spoon stirring and he looks over at the small end table beside him (that he’s not sure was there a second ago) to find a rather large mug of what smells like hot chocolate (that he’s  _ sure _ wasn’t there a second ago). he lets out a happy sound and grabs for the mug, grinning broadly as he takes several sips. it tastes enough like his father’s recipe that he feels a wave of happiness and safety flow through him. he lets out a soft “thank you” to whoever may be listening, unsure if the room conjured the drink for him or if it was an errant house elf checking in on him. (they have a tendency to hover a bit over the students who stay for the holidays, always quick to bring extra blankets or food to children who can’t be with their families.)

 

the fire has dropped down and jackson is dozing soundly in his cushion when the door creaks slowly open. 

 

“whosere?” his voice croaks. when there’s no answer he peers blearily over the back of the cushion, freezing when he sees familiar blond hair. he quickly throws his blanket over his head, tucking himself into a ball and tries to ignore the sound of mark walking closer. jackson can hear mark stoking the fire and shuffling a cushion closer, hears him plop down into it, breathing heavily. jackson just curls deeper into the blanket and ignores him.

 

“i’m really surprised you stayed this year. i thought- well, i thought you’d be too mad to stay.” jackson says nothing, forces himself to keep ignoring mark, no matter how distraught the other boy sounds. 

 

“i’m so sorry, gaga. i shouldn’t have run, i shouldn’t have ignored you and let things get so bad. everything feels so  _ wrong _ .” mark sniffles and jackson can’t take it anymore, not while the older boy is crying, not while he’s calling him gaga for the first time in  _ years,  _ but he doesn’t even know where to  _ start _ to fix this, so he does what comes most naturally to him, and blurts out the first thing he can think of.

 

“did you bring presents?” he says, peeking an eye out from his blanket cocoon. mark stares at him for several long seconds, before he bursts into manic laughter, tears falling down his rapidly reddening face.

 

when mark finally manages to catch his breath he nods slightly, moving to dig through his robes and pulling out a small box wrapped in dark green paper. mark’s face is still red when he passes the box to jackson, cheeks flushed all the way to his ears and jackson is struck by how  _ good _ he looks, bathed in soft firelight. jackson shakes the thought away and moves to push the blanket off so he can open his present. 

 

he lets out a soft gasp when he sees the ring that’s nestled inside. the band is a gleaming silver with what he thinks is obsidian set in the center. he looks closer at the ring and sees small flecks of light swirling within the stone.

 

“it’s supposed to show the exact position of the night sky from where the wearer is standing,” mark whispers. and he sees it now, can see the constellations swirling slowly in the inky blackness of the gem and can just barely pick out orion’s belt from where it twinkles near the center. jackson can feel his throat tighten around his “thank you” as he realizes just how long mark must have searched for this, how much longer he must have saved up for something so detailed. 

 

“it’s perfect, mark. it’s just… i love it.” mark grins, wide and happy, something jackson never thought he would see again. he gets up, suddenly nervous about his own gift, afraid that it won’t be nearly enough compared to mark’s, but eager to keep that smile on his friend’s face.

he places the box in mark’s lap (messily wrapped in bright red and green paper, muggle tape everywhere and bow slightly crushed from where it’s been sat at the bottom of his trunk) and watches as the other boy opens it carefully, like he’s terrified it’ll disappear. jackson watches mark’s eyes widen when he sees the pendant, sees him trace the intricate knots of the metal.

 

“it’s really gorgeous, jackson,” mark whispers.

 

jackson nods, taking it from mark’s hands and placing it around his neck. he lets his fingers linger on the chain after it’s clasped, eyes trailing along to where the pendant sits against mark’s chest. “it’s, um, i actually charmed it a bit. for if you’re sad or stressed or anything, it’s supposed to warm and there’s a cheering charm too- just a small one- to help you, um, cheer up? at least it’s  _ should _ , if i got the spellwork right…” jackson trails off. he’s got the pendant in his hand now, slowly running his thumb over it. he risks a glance at mark’s face, praying he’s not too underwhelmed by the present.

 

when he looks up, mark’s face is almost too close. there’s red high on his cheeks and is the room suddenly too warm? jackson feels hot under the collar of his sweater as he watches mark chew lightly on his bottom lip.

 

“i’m in love with you.”

 

jackson’s eyes snap up from where they’ve been lingering on the other boy’s mouth. mark’s eyes are wide, like he didn’t mean to talk, and his hands come up to grip at jackson’s wrist tightly.

 

“ _ fuck _ \- i mean, well. that’s- that’s what it was, that’s why i said no when you asked about the ball and why i ran and why i kept ignoring you because i thought that maybe if i just… maybe if i just stopped seeing you for a while i’d stop feeling like  _ this _ -” mark drops jackson’s hand and gestures to himself violently. he runs his hands through his hair until there are silvery-blonde strands sticking up everywhere and turns away from jackson with a whine.

 

“i figured i could just stop feeling so stupid and get over you and everything could go back to how it was before and it would stop  _ hurting  _ so much, but everything is so much worse now. youngjae and yugyeom are a mess, bambam hates me, and,  _ fuck _ , that fight between jinyoung and jaebum, i’ve never seen them so  _ mad _ . i’m sorry, merlin, i am so sorry that i did this to all of us.” mark drops back into his cushion, head in his hands and breath hitching like he’s trying not to cry.

 

jackson just… stands there. 

“i- i don’t… mark, i-”

 

he doesn’t know what to say, what to do, what to  _ think _ . his best friend is in love with him. his best friend has been in love with him and, clearly, everyone knew. everyone but him. it makes sense, in some sick kind of way. all the little hints from their friends, nudges and winks when they sat a little too close. all those times mark had turned a date down, saying he just “wasn’t interested”. the heartbreak on his face when jackson told him he wanted to take him to the dance to make someone jealous. 

 

mark’s sniffling snaps jackson out of his head. he doesn’t know how he feels about mark loving him, doesn’t think he could love mark back the way he deserves. but, jackson figures, that is a problem for another day. right now he needs to fix the mess they’ve got themselves in. right now his best friend needs him.

 

jackson kneels in front of mark and pulls him into his chest, rubbing softly up and down the elder’s back. 

 

“it’s okay. i promise, it’s gonna be okay.” mark just nods against his throat and neither boy says anything else for a long time.

  
  


\----

 

things go back to normal after that. the rest of their friends come back from break to find jackson and mark laughing wildly as they hurl snowballs at each other on the front grounds. no one seems to want to question it, too happy to pretend the last awful month never happened. youngjae and yugyeom are so ecstatic to see mark and jackson back to normal that they both jump out of the carriages before they stop and eagerly join in on the snowball fight. bambam takes a few more days to warm back up to mark and, even after he does, jackson catches bambam shooting wary glances between himself and mark occasionally. jinyoung and jaebum are both harder to crack. though they both make up with jackson and mark respectively, the two seem to be stiff around each other in a way jackson hasn’t seen in years. he wants to try to fix it but mark assures him that it’s something the two would have to work out on their own.

 

and, as far as jackson is concerned, he and mark are just as close as they were before. mostly. 

 

they don’t talk about mark’s confession. if jackson is being honest, it seems like they both purposely  _ avoid _ bringing it up. he even tries to not think about it, too upset at the thought of his best friend being so hurt but, sometimes…  _ sometimes _ , when mark has his arm threaded through jackson’s to ward away the cold, or his fingers are carding through jackson’s hair while they lie on their couch in the gryffindor common room, mark’s words echo through his head- a steady stream of “i’m in love with you, i’minlovewithyou,  _ i’minlovewithyou _ ” until jackson is nearly  _ bursting _ with the need to talk about it. but he swallows it down. buries it away like he’s never had to before. 

  
he spends the entirety of january with a lump in his throat.

 

come february he’s so tense he’s nearly vibrating. 

 

\---

 

there are at least two dozen letters piled in front of mark at the slytherin table, all of them varying shades of pink and red, most of them heart shaped. he’s blushing wildly from what jackson can see across the hall. he’s not surprised at the number of valentines his friend received (receives every year, now that he’s thinking about it) he is, after all, funny in his own quiet way, and sweet to his friends and so otherworldly beautiful that it makes jackson  _ ache _ to look at him sometimes and mark deserves a person that will cherish him and treat him with love and affection. what  _ does _ surprise jackson, however, is the roiling in his gut as he watches mark’s too pink mouth spread in a slow grin as he reads one of the less extravagant letters.

 

there’s a tapping on his left hand and jackson looks down to see namjoon tugging at his white-knuckled grip on the table. he lets go like the wood burned him and glances up to where namjoon is looking at him worriedly. 

 

namjoon tugs him up, leans down and whispers “i think you need some fresh air, c’mon” and he’s dragging jackson out of the great hall. they don’t stop until they reach the lake, breath visible in the gray of the morning. 

 

“talk. whatever you’ve been bottling up. just, talk.”

 

“namjoon, what-” he clears his throat and fiddles with the hem of his sweater, trying to get his thoughts in order. “what does being in love feel like?” he finally manages to choke out.

 

the taller boy sighs and nods like he was expecting this. “it’s like he’s this piece of me that i didn’t even know i was missing. it’s a lot like having a best friend but...more? all i know is that when he looks at me, i see my future. i see someone i can get through anything with. someone i wouldn’t want to live without.”

 

“that can’t be it, though. that’s too easy. if that’s all love is, then i’d be able to love mark back and i  _ can’t _ -”

 

“why not?” namjoon stops them both and forces jackson to look at him. “why can’t you love mark?”

 

“he’s my best friend-”

 

“seokjin is my best friend. he’s my best friend and my boyfriend and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. whenever something happens, if it’s good or bad, the first person i want to tell is him. i want to see him every morning when i wake up, i want to hear his laugh and watch him eat sweets because he always makes cute noises when he opens them and i want nothing more than to make him happy and hold him everyday. and the thought of not being able to, of someone else getting to experience those things with him, hurts me so much i can’t think about it. that’s what being in love feels like. now tell me, how do you feel about mark?”

 

the lump in jackson’s throat is back, twice as big as before, and he can hardly breathe around it.

 

“i...i think i need to find mark.” jackson takes off towards the castle, leaving namjoon behind laughing out something about galleons.

 

the great hall is mostly empty when he bursts through the doors. a nearby slytherin yelps in surprise and hurries past him into the corridor. jackson sees no messy head of silvery blond and figures the older boy already finished his breakfast. it’s saturday and mark could be anywhere on the grounds. 

 

he takes off for the slytherin dorms, praying that mark had decided to go back to the common room. there’s no one around when he gets there and jackson smacks at the wall, shouting all the passwords he can remember. the door appears on the seventh one and he falls flat on his face just inside the doorway.

 

there’s a foot nudging at his ribs and he turns over to see jinyoung above him, hand hiding the lower half of his face and shoulders shaking. 

 

“can i help you?” jinyoung is definitely laughing at him and it takes everything in jackson to not glare at the younger boy.

 

“i need to talk to mark. it’s important.” he smacks at the foot that’s still jabbing at him and tugs at jinyoung’s pant leg. “jinyoungie, please tell me where he is.”

jinyoung grins and shrugs at him. “what’s in it for me, hm?”

 

“jinyoungie, i need to tell him that i love him,  _ please _ ,” jackson says earnestly. he meets jinyoung’s eyes and watches the other’s soften.

 

“he’s up in his dorm room.” jackson is scrambling up before the slytherin can finish getting the words out, running towards the hall that winds back to the boys’ rooms. he stops in front of mark’s, suddenly so nervous he can hardly catch his breath. before he can gather enough courage to reach for the handle, the door swings open.

 

“ _ mark. _ ” the older boy is standing in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth open in surprise. he looks like he was ready to head out to the grounds, warm knit sweater hanging loosely off his too thin frame and dark red scarf draped around his neck. 

 

“jackson, wha-” jackson swallows mark’s words, threads his hands in his soft hair and kisses him as deeply as he can stand. he can feel mark gasp against his mouth, can feel mark’s hands drop to his waist and fist in his sweater. he kisses him until he’s nearly dizzy with the need to breathe and even then, pulls away only after mark starts to push gently at his chest but leaves only a breath of space between them.

 

“jackson, what are you  _ doing _ ?” mark’s whisper echoes in the tense silence of the room. his eyes are darting back and forth between jackson’s and he knows, if he isn’t careful, he could ruin everything.

 

“i’m in love with you.” mark flinches and tries to tug out of jackson’s hold, but he’s too quick, already has an arm wrapped around mark’s waist and he pulls him close to his chest. “no, listen,  _ listen. _ ” 

 

mark shakes his head sharply, like he’s trying to get jackson’s words out of his head. jackson cups mark’s cheeks between his hands and waits for him to open his eyes. “mark,  _ please _ .”

he feels like he’s going to choke around everything he wants to say and he doesn’t know where to start. mark is chewing harshly on his lip and he still won’t look at jackson, focusing on the floor instead.

 

“ _ i love you, mark _ . you… you are my everything. i want to be  _ your _ everything. i should have seen it before but i… i just didn’t. i thought- it doesn’t matter what i thought, all that matters is that i was  _ wrong _ . being your best friend isn’t enough, i don’t know if it ever was, really. i want  _ more. _ please tell me you still do, too.”

  
  


“you are so  _ dumb _ .” jackson opens his mouth to respond, but mark is already there, pressing quick kisses against jackson’s mouth in between his high pitched giggles. “you’re dumb, and i am  _ never _ going to let you forget how long you made me wait, you  _ ass _ . but, merlin, of  _ course _ i’m still in love with you.”

 

jackson catches mark’s lip between his teeth on the next kiss, pulls him deeper into it and explores the other’s mouth slowly. his hands fall down, down, down, until they’re gripping tightly at mark’s hips. mark’s arms have wrapped around his shoulders and there’s a hand playing with the short hairs on the nape of his neck. he groans deeply when mark tugs, rips away from mark’s swollen mouth and trails down his throat, aching to taste more of the older boy’s skin. he’s nibbling intently at a spot near mark’s jugular, relishing in the moans he’s managed to draw out, when there’s a loud bang at the door. they jump apart and look, startled, at the door just next to them.

 

“don’t forget protection!” calls a voice that sounds suspiciously like hoseok, followed by harsh cackling that echoes down the hallway. jackson can feel his face flushing wildly and he’s having a hard time tearing his eyes away from his feet.

 

“we should, um, we should probably-”

 

“yeah,” mark cuts him off. “i was planning on going to hogsmeade, today. do you… would you wanna go?” mark is smiling gently at him and jackson can feel himself echo it.

 

“together?”

 

mark nods, grin splitting his face, and wraps jackson’s hand in his own. “together.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! i wanna thank everyone who left kudos and such sweet comments, it means a lot to know people have enjoyed my lame ramblings.
> 
> this chapter was a bit of a bitch to get out, so i'd love to hear your thoughts on it (bc tbh it feels a bit rushed to me). 
> 
> and this is about it for markson- at least as a main pairing- in this universe, but i'm planning more for other ships so if any of y'all have a ship/scene you'd like to see, let me know!
> 
> as always, you can find me on [tumblr.](https://unfairtanktops.tumblr.com)


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